Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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