I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
