i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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