why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
