I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
