i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
