I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
