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• (705): View more from Ontario

  Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  dude why did you let me call her?!

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...

  Fav 11 1217 2735

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday

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• (512): View more from Texas

  There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives

  Fav 7 2036 729

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole

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• (415): View more from California

  It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating

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• (817): View more from Texas

  We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?

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• (338): View more from

  She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”

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