He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
