i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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