i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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