glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
