how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
