How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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