he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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