when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
