OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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