I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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