omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
