I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
