Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
