no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize