Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
