i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
then he tried to convert me to islam
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
