that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
