I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
