Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
