I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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