well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
