After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
