I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
