Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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