Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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