Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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