Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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