I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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