So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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