So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
