it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
