Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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