She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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