we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
