oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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