this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
