The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
