how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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