Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
