Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
