She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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