are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
