WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
