In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
