I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
