I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
