What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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