Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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