yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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